Do you feel like you're struggling to be happy, even when everything on paper looks great? Your career is on track, your family is thriving, and you’re ticking off all the boxes—but something still feels off. You’re not alone. Many working mothers experience this disconnect, and society often tells us that self-care is the answer. But what if I told you that self-care won’t fill the void? In fact, self-care may be one of the most problematic terms we hear today. It’s thrown around as if a quick fix—a spa day or a bubble bath—can magically erase the exhaustion, overwhelm, and lack of fulfilment that many women feel. But here’s the truth: self-care, as it's often marketed, is not enough. What we really need is self-actualisation—the process of understanding who we are, what we truly want, and how we can grow into the best version of ourselves. And that takes much more than a few moments of pampering.
Why Self-Care Can’t Solve the Deeper Issues
Self-care has its place, but it’s often sold as a superficial solution to much deeper problems. We’re told to recharge our batteries with a manicure or a workout, but these are just band-aid fixes for much more complex emotional and psychological needs. The reality is that many working mothers feel like they’ve lost their sense of self amid the demands of career and family. And a bubble bath won’t reconnect you to who you are at your core. Self-care also comes with an unspoken pressure: when it doesn’t work, we’re left feeling inadequate. “Why don’t I feel better? I’ve done everything I’m supposed to, but I’m still exhausted, still overwhelmed, still… lost.” That’s because self-care isn’t designed to address the deeper issues of identity, purpose, and fulfilment.
Enter Self-Actualisation
What we really need is self-actualisation, a term coined by psychologist Abraham Maslow. It’s about realising your full potential, becoming the best version of yourself, and living a life that aligns with your values and passions. Self-actualisation isn’t a quick fix; it’s a process of personal growth and transformation that allows you to thrive in all areas of life—work, family, and beyond. The good news is, it’s achievable. And it starts by shifting your mindset from surface-level self-care to deep, intentional self-discovery.
How to Shift from Self-Care to Self-Actualisation
If you’ve been relying on self-care and finding it doesn’t meet your needs, it’s time to make the shift toward self-actualisation. Here are a few techniques to help you get started:
Identify What’s Missing
Take a step back and ask yourself: What feels off? What part of your life feels out of alignment with who you are and what you truly want? This may take some reflection, but it’s crucial to understanding where the disconnect is. Whether it’s a lack of passion in your work or feeling distant from your sense of self, identifying the problem is the first step.
Reconnect with Your Purpose
Motherhood changes us in profound ways, but that doesn’t mean we have to lose our sense of self. Reconnect with what matters to you. What were your passions, hobbies, or dreams before becoming a mother? What makes you feel alive? Carve out time for activities that nourish your soul and help you rediscover what makes you you.
Set Intentional Goals
Self-actualisation is about growth, and growth requires goals. But not just any goals—intentional goals that align with your values and desires. Ask yourself what you want out of life, both professionally and personally. Write down your goals, but make sure they reflect the person you want to become, not just the tasks you need to accomplish.
Cultivate Mindfulness
It’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of work, parenting, and daily life. To truly focus on self-actualisation, we need to practice mindfulness. Take time each day to pause, reflect, and be present. Whether through meditation, journaling, or simply spending a few quiet moments in nature, mindfulness allows us to connect with our inner selves and stay focused on our long-term growth.
Seek Out Real Support
One of the most important steps in self-actualisation is recognising that you don’t have to do it alone. Look for mentors, coaches, or supportive communities that understand the journey you’re on. Surround yourself with people who uplift you and help you navigate the challenges of being a working mother.
Why Self-Actualisation Matters for Working Mothers
Self-actualisation isn’t about having a perfect life; it’s about living a life that feels meaningful, authentic, and aligned with who you are. As working mothers, we’re often expected to do it all—excel at work, raise a family, and somehow keep our sanity intact. But true happiness comes from being more, not just doing more. When we focus on self-actualisation, we become better mothers, better professionals, and most importantly, better versions of ourselves. We learn to prioritize what truly matters and stop measuring our worth by society’s unrealistic standards.
Self-care isn’t the problem—it’s the way we’ve been taught to rely on it to fix everything. It’s time to move beyond that and focus on what really matters: self-actualisation. Because when we take the time to reconnect with our values, passions, and purpose, that’s when we’ll truly begin to thrive.
So if you’re feeling lost, unfulfilled, or like something is missing, know that self-care won’t fill the void. But the journey toward self-actualisation just might.
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